


i ( always ) loved you

by barryshal



Series: gifts for my halbarry server [3]
Category: Green Lantern - All Media Types, The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Airplane Crashes, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternative Ending soon, Depressed Barry Allen, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 11:31:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15290616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barryshal/pseuds/barryshal
Summary: “Hal. .what’s going on? Are-” The blond asks him before he was cut off by the other’s voice in the coms in his ear.God, Hal was going to be sappy but quick about this, he just had to let his best friend know. “Listen to me really carefully. Barry, you’re just so loving and caring. .You have been with me through thick and thin.” He says as he tries not to let his voice crack while he talks to the one on ground.





	i ( always ) loved you

**Author's Note:**

> *gets runover by the feels train* ow. .also hey, have some halbarry angst. this was going to be much sweeter but then el talked me into the darker side of things so yeah. this is a rather sadder ficlit than a happy one. but don't worry ! i'm planning to write another chapter where you can read the alternative ending to when hal is well, damn fucking lucky to be alive and all that cute mush. 
> 
> please read the tags carefully. if you're triggered by suicide in anyway, i don't suggest you read this until the second chapter is up since that one will not contain it. thank you.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come on this girl with me, Barr?” The test pilot hummed as he adjusted the jumpsuit he was wearing as he was going to go on a new fighter jet. “I’ve heard she is a smooth ride that you wouldn’t feel any tumbling.” Hal wiggles his eyebrows with a grin on his face as he was always the more daring one of the two. It was what he lived for as his nickname suggested of ‘Highball’ since he did risks and outragerous stunts.

Barry shakes his head at his best friend with a small snort, “I know and I do appericate your offer Hal but honestly, I think I rather stay where my feet are touching the ground.” The blond looks at Hal, his heart was pounding a bit as he saw the uniform. Okay, he might have a small, no big crush on Hal but he had yet to make it into words. Barry was always the one who was careful but he was drawn in with Hal’s carefree nature since they were kids. He adjusts the headset com he was wearing so he could talk to the other who would be up in the sky. “Besides I could distract you.”

The brown-haired male smiled at his friend, unaware that they both felt the same about each other. “Alright hot shot. I guess I’ll just wait until I get back on the ground.” He winks as he goes to climb on the jet, leaving Barry confused. But he gets helmet on and begins the normal protocol as he could probably do this in his sleep at this point. “Testing. Testing this is Hal Jordan and I’m about to show you a fun time.” Hal speaks to make sure everything was ready to head out and it couldn’t be a more perfect day to go flying in the air.

Humming to himself as he joined Carol, who became a mutual friend during this to go watch Hal take off. “It’s so nice. .Not too warm thank god, I hated summer even as a kid.” He babbled, mainly to himself as he smiles while they watch Hal take off in the air. It seemed to have gone so well as everything ran smoothly until there was a distress sound coming through in the coms. “Hal? . . Hal! . . Can you hear us?’ Barry voiced trembled, it was odd since he knows Hal hardly ever used the distress call.

Everything seemed to be in check when Hal got in, no sign of any temperament or anything out of place. But it seemed he was wrong and overlooked something, it was like when his dad died. Hal squeezed his eyes shut and quickly looked up at the sky, god it would’ve been a perfect day to tell Barry. But now, he was glad that his best friend, the one he loved would be okay instead of being here with him. The brown-haired pilot knows he’s going to die as he did the distress call to let everyone know he wasn’t coming back alive. Funny how life works huh? "Barry, I-I need you to listen to me.”

“Hal. .what’s going on? Are-” The blond asks him before he was cut off by the other’s voice in the coms in his ear. God, Hal was going to be sappy but quick about this, he just had to let his best friend know. “Listen to me really carefully. Barry, you’re just so loving and caring. .You have been with me through thick and thin.” He says as he tries not to let his voice crack while he talks to the one on ground. “You never saw me as this sad man that needed to be taken care of. You saw me as this man who could do so much though sometimes I was torn between being a good person sometimes. I. .I’m going to die but I love you Barry Allen.” The test pilot’s hazel eyes were filled up with tears as he had confessed how he felt for his best friend over the years before he tried to make a smoother landing but it would be no use as he embraced himself for impact.

Barry couldn’t believe his ears as he listened to Hal, the warm voice that would cheer him up on days when he was sad and made him feel whole. “Hal. .I-” The blond tried to say more before the sharp sound cut him off as he was snapped back into reality with Carol to get the ambulance if there was even a chance that Hal made it out alive. He didn’t pray very much but now was a good time to do it wasn’t it?

* * *

 

_“Hal Jordan is. .well he’s lucky to be even barely alive. He’s in a coma for now but we can’t be sure that he’s going to come out of this.”_

It sucked to hear that your best friend, the one you ended up falling in love with is in a coma and you never got to say 'I love you too’ back. Barry came every single day with flowers, little things that Wally had made in school, anything to lighten up the otherwise dull room. Hell, Barry even read out loud of some stuff from space to love poems. .that Barry never gave to Hal. The blond sighs, he knows it’s been three months and nothing from the test pilot. He brushes the brown hair away like it suddenly moved but he kisses Hal’s cheek gently, hoping that Hal would magically wake up and they could be in love. But nothing. He struggled to not cry as he failed to notice the doctor coming in who brushed on his shoulder.

She gave him a sad expression but it wasn’t really sad. “Mr. Allen. .I’m sorry but we have to pull the plug. Hal is brain dead and we can’t do anything else to help him.”

No, no Hal couldn’t be brain dead though Barry would always lie to himself that Hal would come back to him. “No, you can’t take him. There must be something you can do! Please!” His sapphire eyes began to fill with tears that fell hard down his face. He didn’t want to think his best friend was dead as he refuses to let the doctor go pull it.

“Mr. Allen please! Do it for your friend. .” She tries to explain to him but it was nothing before she screamed for security that would end up pulling a screaming and crying Barry away. The heart monitor slowly began to stop as she looks at Hal, so young and she could tell Barry loved him.

When it came down to the funeral, the crying and screaming stopped. Barry didn’t seem like himself anymore as the smiles stopped and he steadily became more distant. His face was blank as he looked up at the sky, letting the rain fall on him and his nice suit he wore. There was no more happiness in Barry, he already lost his mother to a murderer that was jealous of their close knit family and his dad ended up dying in prison before Barry could prove his innocence. He felt so alone as he held onto Hal’s leather jacket since Carol had insisted that he was the one to get it instead of one of Hal’s brothers.

Nothing seemed to have numbed the pain he was feeling, no booze could replace the feeling he had in his heart. Barry always wore the jacket so it could feel like he was in the test pilot’s arms again but it didn’t last long as the jacket began to smell like him instead of Hal. He missed that fresh pine smell mixed with the black coffee that the other smelt like, sometimes you could smell the oil and airplane fuel on Hal when he worked on planes. Barry sometimes called Hal’s phone until it was shut off just to the voice of him one last time. The last time was on Barry’s birthday and he didn’t bother celebrating it though he would fake a smile at it since Wally had made him a card and Iris had made his favorite cake. He knew it would be unfair but he couldn’t live a life of lies to Carol, to Iris, even to his little nephew, who looked up to him like he was a superhero. His nephew even called the superhero, 'The Flash' who could run really fast like Barry did since he would run in his free time and Wally claimed he was his sidekick, 'Kid Flash'.

Barry looked at the picture of Iris that was taken a few years ago with the brightest smile as he dials her number. Today was the day to say goodbye.

The dark skinned woman smiled when she saw Barry’s number, not thinking much of it as she was planning to invite him over to spend time together. Maybe have a game night too. “Hey Barry, funny story. I was going to call you.” Iris says as there wasn’t much on the other end, “Barry?”

He let out a sigh, “I’m sorry. .” The blond choked out as he hangs up on her before Iris could say more. He looks over as he scribbled on a note awhile ago that he wanted everyone to know. Barry shakily takes one last breath before he landed backwards on the floor, right beside the note like it was meant to be. His body would be later found by Carol when Iris and her went looking for him.

Nobody would’ve expected Barry to go through with committing suicide over a man he never got to truly love. As they looked at the note, it was simple. There was no sorry for this or that. All what was left on it was 'For the next life when we met again.’

Hal and Barry certainly did met again in the next life and fell in love with each all over again.

**Author's Note:**

> if i made you cry, i'm sorry. have a box of tissues. 
> 
> feel free to say hi or give me a prompt on my tumblr at kctekane!


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